Lonliness

Do you ever get that profound sense of longing for someone to share the world with… To share your world with them and them to share theirs with you?  According to Genesis, that’s innate in all people.  It's a product of our design by God to be relational with Him and with each other.  I long to know and spend time with a spouse who, in tern, I hope, has the same desire for me.  Now I know I will never be fully understood by that special someone… I’m not blind to the thought that if I end up sharing all of my thoughts and experiences with them, I will never learn a thing about them in return…. So that puts me and others in a quandary: How will we ever perfectly satisfy this sense of wanting to be known and knowing another?  One word:  Heaven.  An eternity of getting to know God and enjoying the world in which He has made in all its intended majesty, splendor, purity, and perfection.  We will also be developing our relationships with each other in the process. 

Sometimes I’ve wondered if that will ever get old.  I mean, give me a new thing and eventually I’ll get sick of it, break it, lose it, or just plain “get used to it”.  That’s what I’ve wondered and been fearful about concerning Heaven.  Isn’t it going to get old and boring?  I mean, there won’t even be days anymore.  We won’t even have the same sense of time…  but then you also have to remember that all of these old things will pass away… our sense of time being wasted or never enough… our sense of aging and getting weaker.  There’s no more pain or sadness… no more depression or sickness.  No more doubt or isolation or hiding.  Only the purest, clearest, most transparent and loving relationships that can possibly be.  Only the perfectly intended created aspects of our current likve will remain.  There won't be sin to hinder our lives anymore.  I bet we don’t even misunderstand each other anymore.  So much to think about… the implications. 

Please share your thoughts.

Turning over a new leaf...

So, I don't know if this blog even shows up anywhere anymore... I have left this space formant for some time now.  However, I do not want the to be the case any longer.

Much has happened in my life in the last couple of years, especially in the last few months.  Those details will slowly be shared, as I do not wish this to be all about me and share novel's worth of background that I expect few would wish to wake through.  Instead this is what I wish to do:  I want to share my goals and hopes and a couple days a week write about the progress.

So, goals!  For me, I do well with goals that I am often reminded of.  The problems is that I don't so often remind myself of goals or set them.  So, here's to turning over a new leaf.  As the leaves of summer will soon change color and fall to the ground, so I too do not wish to remain the same person I am today.  I was reading recently about change in people's lives.  The author of the piece made the argument that to think that we won't change is crazy.  Every day you are presented with the opportunity to change.  The question is, how is it that you want to change?  Who is it that you are becoming?  Are you headed towards what is good and right, or away from that?

I think by setting good & honest goals for myself it will help me to move towards where I want to be.

So, goals... here they are (delineated for you logical people):

• Running:  
• To be ready to enter a race in the next 2.5 months (Mid-November).
• I need to have the strength that will prevent preventable injuries
• Whatever the race, I do not expect that I will race in top form, but that I'll be able to complete one.
• Relationships:
• I wish to become everyday more and more the man of God that can care for and love a family.
• I will read my bible, connect with friends & family, and grow in community.
• I will connect with my neighbors.  (Something I have not done in the last couple years)
• I will put myself into situations where I can meet new people (in hopes of starting a relationship with a woman of God).
• Life:
• I have a desire to move to Colorado.
• I will save my $ for moving costs and and deposits that need to be made.
• I will apply for a CO state teaching license.
• Education:
• I am interested in Counseling as a profession: in schools and outright.
• I will talk with peers, mentors, co-workers, and others about their thoughts and concerns about this.
• I will investigate schools to go to, talk with admissions counselors to determine the lengths of their respective programs, the costs, and my availability to work on the side.
• I will job-shadow at my current workplace (Aloha High School) to determine whether school counseling is something I want to do or not.
• I will talk honestly and openly with the graduate department at the U. of Portland to determine if they will allow me to complete my nearly finished MA in Ed.
• I will not expect anything from them.

I realize that for most of these I haven't set time-goals and that it's important to have goals that are measurable and attainable... so really these goals are still subject to change.  Like someone said at a church a couple weeks ago, we write our plans in pencil so they can be changed by us or God later... Making it so we don't hold so tight to a hope or expectation that the loss of it causes us great misery... and that we are humble enough to say that we don't know all that God does or what is best for us.

Let me know what you think.  Are there changes that you'd suggest?  What do you like or dislike?  What might you add or take away?  Your input is valuable to me.  Thank you for taking the time to read this!

Glimpses into me

      Last I wrote a month ago it was near the beginning of the school year.  Since then I've been happy to serve as the "replacement teacher" for various members of the Wilson HS staff.  I don't teach exclusively at Wilson. Just yesterday I was at Benson HS.  I don't normally sub over there, but when called, I go.  I need the pay in the check at the end of the month.  It amazes me how different schools inside of Portland can be.  Benson has a predominate African-American student population, quite a bit different than the largely White and what I guess to be 1/3 Jewish population of Wilson HS.  So I'm getting questions from a lot of students... same one's I seem to always get (see below for some of the best).  Then I get asked a Q that people my age often ask in one of those situations where... "let's get to know each other as best we can in a short amount of time to see if we connect or not..."  (I know I have to start somewhere, but I often wish I could just jump into knowing someone and bypass those stock questions and long pauses... I'm post on this later)  So, the student asks "So why are you a teacher?"  Well, there are a few things that popped out right away in no particular order:

1.)   I love science and math.  Learning it is a great way to understand how the world works all around us. 
I like helping people understand those things better.  I've always enjoyed learning, so my hope is to help others enjoy it too. Plus, I get to tinker with things to show what I'm doing.  I like that too.
2.)  I like being around people.  I used to be much more shy than I am now, but I realize that I am recharged by being around others.  The students and the staff are great to be around.  The students b/c they keep me connected to my youth.  The staff b/c I get to share struggles and joys w/ people who can identify w/ me an drop some knowledge on me so I can make things better.
3.)  I love getting to know the kids: I love developing a relationship with them and helping them to see the world from another perspective.  As a Christian, I love getting to know where these kids are at in life, praying for them, and leading the through their circumstances, helping them to see the world that God created. Sure, in a public school I can't preach at them, but there need to be believers who love, care, teach, discipline, correct, and train them in the subject of the class and the matters of life from Biblical perspective.(Think 2 Tim 3:16 & Gal. 5:22)  I get to share my joys, my passions, my life with these kids and they get to see more of who I am the more time we spend together.  I hope they see that I am different.  I hope to get to talk to them about things that matter....

      Like yesterday, one of the male students was asking if I thought some women celebrities were "Hot".  (Wondering yet how this will matter?  Just wait.)  I didn't know 1/2 of the girls he mentioned.  Then he said "Jessica Alba", to which I replied: "Yes, she's attractive, but what does it matter?  She's married."  The student then said "That doesn't matter, this is America people get divorced all the time."  I couldn't believe it.  So I shared how when I get married I don't want divorce to ever be an option.  Not that I am hoping to marry a girl to lock up somewhere and be a tyrant of, but I want to marry for life and take on the challenges that come with that.  I know it's not likely the same for most, but none of my parents or grandparents have ever been divorced. They've gone through many life struggles and remained together.

        There was a girl sitting next to this guy who started nodding her head in agreement with me.  Later I was wondering what it's like for her.  She's sitting there with guys who can only talk about how "hot" some celeb is... women who have fame and money and anything material thing they might want... but none of whom go to Benson HS or have to take science classes.  These are two separate worlds.  I wished I could have rewound time and added something about how thought the guys should think about how beauty is not the only thing that matters.  I;d also add in how I want to marry a girl who has an attractive personality and lifestyle, how I want her to be someone who has character, and how I want her to be someone who love Jesus.  (Think Prov. 31... I need to read that more often).

               I think a lure of the world/our culture is to cause people to focus on making the outside perfect and beautiful.... whether it's the car you drive, the way you look, the resume' you have... but to say that character and morals and our beliefs don't matter much.  That's a sad way to live if you can't make the outside look perfect... because you'll never measure up... you'll always be behind other people.  But, it's a sad way to live at the top too, because all you can do is focus on staying there.  I remember hearing about a question posed to John D. Rockefeller Sr., an Oil tycoon who was one of or the richest man in the world at one time.  The question was something like "How much money is enough?" He replied  "Just a little bit more."  He was at the top of the pile and he still needed more... and that was way back in the day... he died in 1937.  King Solomon, from the bible, said something similar.  I just know that I want fulfillment.  In our culture it's hard to know where to go to find lasting fulfillment.  There are plenty of "good things" one can do that seem to help a person be fulfilled, but I believe the greatest fulfillment comes when we fulfill the purposes for which we were made.  I believe that we are wonderfully made by a God who loves us more than we can know and wants us to know Him and love Him back.  I believe that God gives us talent that is most vibrant and well used when used for His pleasure.  When I run, play with photography, serve, and teach with my focus on the one who's made it possible for me do so I worry less on what people think and care more about doing what I do well.  I want my life to reflect the God I serve and love.  When I stumble and fall, the mercy of God covers me and the grace of God picks me up and places me back on the path He's shown me.
              Lasting fulfillment that God offers to us is what I want.  I hope you want it too.


As I alluded to above here's the list you may have been hoping for the entire time you were reading this post :)   Enjoy.

The top questions that I remember being asked while teaching in the last couple years.

1.
Kid: "Can I go to the bathroom?"
Me:  "I sure hope so!?!"  [Said of course with the confused eyebrows I like to rock from time to time]
         ...A consistent response. :)  Really, I sure hope their parents at least taught them that!

2.

Kid: "How old are you?"
Me: "Old enough.",
       "Take a guess"
Kid: "30", "19", "57"
Me:   [Fake smile]  "I'm tell you later"

3.

Kid: "Are you a REAL teacher?"
Me: "Yeah, who do you think I am Jack Black from School of Rock?"

4.
Kid: "Are you a student teacher?"
Me: "No, I did that 5 years ago"
Kid: "So, did you graduate college?"
Me: "Um, yeah."

5.
Kid: "You know who you remind me of?"
Me: "Well, didn't pass my Mind-Reading class; so I guess you should tell me."
Kid:  "That guy from Spiderman"
Me: "Oh yeah, the same guy who was in Seabiscuit?"
        [blank stare from student who has not seen Seabiscuit]
        "I think I'm too tall to be him."  
*Plus, he's kinda nerdy, doesn't have a low voice, likes physics, is athletic, wears glasses, is a guy, likes girls, wears clothes,... NOTHING like me, not at all. ;)

6. (Thanks Paul for the reminder)
Kid:  "Are you a new to class?"
Me:  "Yeah, I'm the teacher"
Kid:  "Oh, oops."


Thus endeth the list.  Write to you later, make it a great day!

Understanding?

So, this school year begins like the last 4 or 5... I am again a substitute teacher. I have fulfilled the role of a physics teacher for close to 2 years in temporary positions, but I have yet to land an elusive full time job. My resolve to wait for a position to open up has not changed, though I do wonder if I should add an endorsement to my license... even though that requires that I go back to school.

On the running side of things I am not where I would like either. My hope for this year was to run at a mountain race and in a marathon. With the mountain racing season already come and gone I find myself wondering if a marathon is even a good idea at this point. My mileage has been terrible as I've struggled with small injuries, motivational problems, and most recently the flu which sidelined me for almost a week.

So, what should I do with my thoughts, worries, desires, dreams? The only thing that I know will bring me peace and clarity is to go to God. I'll ask Him, the one who made me, what He wants me to do today. I'll keep doing this each day. I want my hopes and dreams to be the ones He wants for me. I'm not giving up on dreaming and hoping, but just running them by the one who knows me better than I know myself.

My upcoming ear surgery

So, I just wanted to fill people in on the upcoming ear surgery. Thanks to all of you would are praying/thinking about/for me. I really appreciate it.

Thursday, Nov 6th:
Arrive at Providence St. Vincents Hospital @ 11:30AM

*UPDATE

Due to scheduling problems through my doctor's office, the surgeon was double-booked for surgeries today... and since I didn't want a half-rate job... I'm going in tomorrow, Friday the 7th, @ the exact same time!

...Continue with explanation...
... do paperwork..., talk to doctor, sharpie the right side ear w/ large "NO",... get IV... hope I don't pass out...talk to the surgeon and knock-out guy (can spell anesthesiologist)....
Surgery scheduled for start @ 1:30PM.
I believe that the procedure to reconnect the eardrum to the Cochlea brown, snail looking thing) (I am missing the 3 bones that should connect these.. those white-ish ones that are right and kinda above the eardrum at the end of the ear canal) w/ a tiny piece of titanium will take about 2 hours. They will also open up my ear canal a bit, since it's shrunken/small.
I will wake up after they stitch me up (hopefully) and be incredibly drowsy... which means that I'll be awake for 10 seconds, then fall back asleep... and repeat this for maybe half and hour.
One of my parents will take me home and we will buy some pain meds for the impending ear ache.
I get home, maybe around 8PM, kinda loopy and hungry. Have some tomato soup and go to bed.

Recovery... no running/physical activity for about 4 weeks (I can't let the BP or HR get high during the healing process) ... small parts, very tricky. I will have a nifty headband for a couple day. I will have cotton in my ear for at least 2 weeks. I will have packing material in the ear for maybe 2-3 weeks. Each week I go in to see the doc. He checks things out, then sends me home. I eat his candy and read his anatomy books.

I'll keep the updates coming and post crazy pics here or there. Okay? Alrighty! Glad you could be along for the ride!

Long time no see

Well, I took forever in posting here... sorry. I've been up to quite a lot since I last wrote here. I have been training like mad and loving it. I have been racing a few times and doing quite well. And, I am set to go to New York for the Olympic Trials (Nov 3rd) and Japan for a 1/2 marathon the next week.

To get to the trials I had to run under 2hours and 22 minutes in some marathon. I decided after thinking, e-mail, and talking to people that the St. George marathon was the best race to enter. It's a net downhill course, previous winners have times under the 2:20 A standard qualifying time (so that I don't have to pay for the trip to NYC), and it was the most beautiful marathon that I could run. So, I trained a bunch and got to Utah with my dad a couple of days before the race. I had the privilege of going over the course with another runner, Sean Sundwall, who's run the race a couple of times and himself was trying to make the Olympic trials. The night before the race I told my dad that I was confident the I would be able to run under 2:20 in the race and that I "Kinda want to win it too."

So, race morning.... I'm excited, but not nervous. It's 4:15 AM when I finally get to stop pretending like my lying in bed is sleep. I get a cup of coffee (not something normal for me) and ride the bus up to the top of the course (you can't drive up). It was a beautiful drive up the day before, but at 5AM there is nothing to see and the lack of a view isn't subtracting from my body constantly reminding me that I have to pee, and badly. We get off the buses and I'm the only one around running up to the bathrooms.... which are blacked by lines of people. Hey, it's totally dark, so I did what any other guy would in my shoes... go the other way and find a tree or two. I was actually surprised to see trees, but it was a happy discovery. Fastforward to the start of the race.

I've warmed up lightly and the 36 degrees doesn't feel too bad w/ short shorts, a jersey, long-sleeve dri-fit, gloves and an ear warmer. The starter gets us going and after a 1/2 mile we have our "elite" pack. I'm totally new to there being preferential or at least different treatment of me as a "fast" runner, so this was exciting... to be with other "elite" guys. We talked a little bit here and there... it was good. We shared with each other some of our race goals (making the trials for one) and tried to keep a realistic, decent pace. My strategy for the race was to think of it was a 20mile long-run with a 10k finish. This would allow me to enjoy the first part and not freak out about things so much (i've had problems mentally in the past). So, I ran with "the guys" for about 11 miles, then started thinking that I could go a bit faster. There was one guy ahead of me leading the race... maybe 30 seconds or so ahead. So, I decided to go after him. I caught him around mile 12 and kept up the same pace. He didn't seem to want to hang at that pace. I kept going and lost track of him.

At the 1/2 marathon I went through somewhere near 71 minutes. I looked at my time on mile 12 and realized that I was going to be a bit high and I picked it up... I really didn't want to see 71 minutes. The nice thing was that tt didn't phase me when I did see it. Miles 14-16 had quite a drop in elevation and I sped up considerably there. Afterwards I was looking at splits each mile and noticing that despite my easy gate and relaxed feel, I was flying. This was the best part of the race. I am running miles 16-19 and feeling amazing! I've never felt better and run so fast in my life. The sun was finally up and hitting the beautiful orange and red hills all around. The beauty of my surrounds really helped me along. At about mile 19 I started getting tightness in both hamstrings. It was too low to really be able to massage on-the-run, so altering my stride a bit was the only recourse. I was a little concerned that after mile 15 where I threw up about 5 times I might have started to get dehydrated. The fluids that I had prepared ahead of time were not sitting well in my stomach, so I took water the rest of the race. I got to mile 20 and remembered "10k to go."

This is the section in the race that is beautiful, but in addition, you can finally see the city. 6 miles to go and I had to run something like 35 minutes to go under 2:20... that doesn't sound too bad. The miles are taking longer now "in my head", but I keep hitting low 5's for splits. I felt goo d enough that I would have been able to pick up the pace, but I didn't want to limp into the finish with the possibility of terrible hamstring cramps... so I stayed consistent. The last two miles were some of the most fun. You are finally really in town and people are lined up sheering you on. There were a couple of bands along the way too. At a mile to go I picked it up a bit (why not? I had 8 minutes to finish it!) and kicked the last 400m. All in all, it was AMAZING! My dad was there at the finish on the phone jumping around. People I didn't know were smiling and I felt like I could have kept on going for miles more. God granted me quite a day. I've never felt better in a race. I've never been more relaxed in a race. I've never felt like it was easier running that speed. I've never had such a positive mental race either. TGBTG. 2:16:42

From winning the race, I won a trip to Ibigawa, Japan where I will run in their sister city marathon... though I will only run the 1/2 marathon distance as this race is only 8 days after the trials in NYC.

Since St. George I have been training and preping for NYC and considering when to move to Seattle. I am excited to enjoy NY and the trials, where I don't have any idea how my body will hold up or how well I will race. I will attempt to leave the results up to God and do my best to run even splits and finish with nothing left in the tank. That would be a good race. Well, I hope you enjoyed the read. I will post more later. Have a great day!

Training for Life

So, it’s been a long time. Since I last updated I’ve been really busy. Here’s a brief rundown. I finished a race (weblink) in Canada and ran very well. I climbed the “Chinaman” mountain in Canmore with the other USMR (US Mountain Runners) I was with… they were going crazy fast up that super steep mountain… Then I flew to Reno where I spent the night in the airport (my own decision), bad decision. I got to the AIA (Altheltes in Action) Altitude Camp a day late and that’s where I’ve been for the past 2.5 weeks.

We’ve been running around Mammoth Lakes, CA having a blast. Be it tempos, fartleks, mile repeats, or sweet long runs; this place is running heaven. Just make sure you get out the door early enough to enjoy a bit a reprieve from the heat in the afternoon. Having a cold creek to ice in and a pool to relax with friends helps quite a bit.

The main focus of this camp is two-fold. The first is the obvious running. The second is getting in God’s Word to see what He says about how to live. Through this aspect, we incorporate our faith and running. The realization that running is not life, like some shoe company once said, is one that most people have not stopped to think about. If you put all of your thoughts and time into one thing, you might get pretty good at that thing, but consider the cost. We need to have balance in our lives… including community with others and a realization that there is more to the world than me and my life.

At this camp we share a lot from our lives with everyone. I have shared things I am good at and things that I struggle with. There is so much freedom that comes from me sharing the things that I struggle with, even though it is hard. I realize that I am not the only one that struggles in this way, though I often believe that lie. I also am comforted by a group of people who want the best for me. These people really want me to grow as a person and as a believer. I trust these people. As you are reading this, I hope you to can understand the importance of sharing your burdens. I like the verses from the Bible that tell us that two are better than one and that a cord of three strands is not easily broken. I also like the verse from the Proverbs that says “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” I want to help others and I want others to help me. For this to be deeply helpful there needs to be trust and love. That can only happen fully I believe in a strong Christian community. I hope you can find one that feeds you spiritually and socially.

As I look forward to moving up to Seattle, I am praying for a community that I can be a part of that brings fullness of life to those involved and additionally, one that shares that light of life with others too. I want to be challenged, I want to held accountable, I want to trusted, respected and loved. A group where I am considered family. I am excited in not knowing what this will look like and hopeful that it will be greater than I expect. But I know that I likely won’t walk into such a group, but that I will in some way need to be a part of its creation. I am praying for just that. I pray that you will find the same.

I hope you make this a great day,

Nick Schuetze